My Great Cook-Up (and the Flare I Didn’t Order)

Earlier in the week, I decided that on the weekend I was going to have a big cook-up.

The grand plan was to make a few things to pop in the freezer so that on the nights I’m beyond exhausted, I don’t have to cook — or even think about what to cook.

Sounds like a great idea, right?

I don’t know about you, but I get all these ideas and go through phases of, Yes! I’m going to meal plan. I’ll cook this and this and this...

Then I either get bored and go off the idea before I’ve really given it a chance, or my body decides for me.

Because apparently my body likes to make its own plans.

I can eat something one day with absolutely no problem, then eat the exact same thing another day and suddenly feel puffy or have digestive issues. It really is a body that decides what it wants to do on a daily basis, and I never quite know what I’m waking up to.

Anyway, back to my grand cook-up.

I’d planned to make the kids Caramilk cookies and plain chocolate cookies. I’d actually promised to make them a couple of weeks ago, but somehow the chocolate kept disappearing before I could make them.

I wonder where it went?

The whole case of the missing chocolate. Maybe chronic illness took it. Maybe the perimenopause ogre stole it. Who knows. 😂

I’d also planned spaghetti bake, choc peppermint bubble crunch, Malteser slice, banana choc-chip bread, cheese and bacon rolls, ham and cheese scrolls and Vegemite and cheese scrolls.

Yep.

Apparently, when I made this plan, I briefly forgot which body I was living in.

I started making the first batch of cookies and then remembered the recipe makes 48 cookies.

Forty-eight.

Which meant I had to cook them in two batches. And then I still had the plain chocolate ones to make.

By the time I was standing there rolling all those cookies, my body was basically saying:

What were you thinking? You thought this was a five-minute job? Hahaha. You’re joking.

By the time I finished them, I felt like I could collapse in a heap. My body was screaming at me.

I phoned my mum in frustration. She’d already told me the night before that she would make the choc bubble crunch and banana choc-chip bread, and because she’s Mum, she’d also decided to make some of her own things for me to put in the freezer for the boys’ school lunches and dinners.

So I sat down.

I had a coffee, put my feet up and rested for a little while.

Now, this probably would have been an excellent point to listen to my body and stop.

Did I?

Of course not. 😂

After my little rest, I decided to make the spaghetti bake.

Then I thought, Oh, maybe I should double it.

I didn’t even put double the amount of pasta in and somehow still ended up with an enormous amount. I do this EVERY time. Apparently I have absolutely no concept of how much cooked pasta comes from dry pasta.

Anyway, spaghetti mountain was made.

Then I made the Malteser slice, which thankfully was actually quick and easy.

Mum came over with everything she had cooked, and we divided it all up to share and freeze. Between yesterday’s cook-up and some other meals I’d made a couple of weeks ago, my freezer is now full of convenient meals and things I can grab and reheat.

And honestly, I’m really pleased about that.

The rolls and scrolls?

Yeah... they didn’t happen.

By that point I was absolutely exhausted.

And this is the part I still struggle with.

I didn’t listen to my body.

See? I’m still learning.

I get frustrated that I can’t do what I used to be able to do. I get angry with myself that cooking three things can leave me completely exhausted.

And anyone living with teenage boys knows the challenge of trying to keep up with their appetite. 😂

But apparently I wasn’t finished cooking.

Because overnight my body decided to create its own recipe.

Take a little fibromyalgia, add a dash of Hashimoto’s, sprinkle in some Raynaud’s, throw in sleep apnoea and, because apparently that’s not enough, add a generous helping of perimenopause.

Mix together, leave overnight and...

Congratulations. You’ve made a flare.

Here a flare, there a flare, everywhere a flarin’. 😂

Because the next morning I woke up with my ears buzzing, my body pulsing, my hands swelling, my joints feeling like they’re on fire and my muscles aching.

I’m beyond exhausted — the kind of exhausted where it feels like I haven’t slept for two days.

And I can tell it’s probably only the beginning.

All because yesterday my mind said:

Let’s cook ALL THE THINGS!

And my body was quietly trying to tell me:

Please don’t.

And then there was today’s plan.

I was supposed to make slow-cooked pulled pork for dinner.

I had a recipe for 500g of pork, but somehow my online grocery order arrived with 2.7kg.

Yep.

2.7 kilograms of pork. 😂

I’m still not quite sure how I managed that one.

Yesterday I fully intended to cook it today. But after waking up feeling like this, I looked at that enormous piece of pork and thought...

Absolutely not.

That pork can wait.

It would take forever, my body has already made its feelings about yesterday very clear and, for once, I’m actually going to listen to it.

So tonight’s dinner plan for the boys is:

Feed yourselves.

There is an entire freezer full of meals. Pick one. Heat it up. Enjoy. 😂

And actually, isn’t that exactly why I did the Great Cook-Up in the first place?

I wanted food sitting there ready for the days when I’m beyond exhausted and can’t face cooking — or even thinking about what to cook.

I just didn’t expect to need it the very next day.

That’s one of the things I find so frustrating about chronic illness.

My mind still wants to do ten things.

Sometimes my body is lucky to manage one.

And yes, I talk about listening to your body. I talk about pacing, resting and being gentle with yourself.

But please know that I don’t have it all figured out either.

I’m human. I’m not perfect. I’m still learning how to live in this chronic illness body every single day.

Because seriously, we really can be our own harshest critics.

We tell ourselves to keep going.

Just finish this.

I’ll rest when this is done.

It’s only one more thing.

Sometimes I think knowing you need to pace yourself and actually pacing yourself are two very different things.

So today?

I’m frustrated.

I’m exhausted.

My body is definitely unimpressed with yesterday’s decisions.

But I’m also looking at a freezer full of meals that I won’t have to think about on the days when cooking feels impossible.

And I’m pretty pleased about that.

So apparently today can be both.

A frustrated-with-my-body day and a bloody-glad-I-have-a-freezer-full-of-food day.

And maybe that’s just another part of living with chronic illness — learning that both things can be true at the same time.

A little support for the days your body has other plans

I created My Health Companion – Calm Beneath the Storm from my own experience of living with chronic illness.

It’s a place to keep track of symptoms, triggers, appointments, flare days and all those little things that can be so hard to remember — especially when brain fog decides to join the party.

If you’d like a little more support in understanding and managing your own health journey, you can find My Health Companion here: Choose Your Companion – Mind Ripple