Scars, Surgery & Healing: When My Body Had Other Plans

As I sat waiting for my turn, I could feel the heat rising from deep within me, and no matter what I did, I couldn't switch it off.

I was there to have skin cancer removed from my forehead. The surgeon had explained it would most likely leave me with a T-shaped scar. I was nervous, not just because of the procedure itself, but because I never know how my body is going to react these days.

One day I can tolerate something perfectly fine, and the next time my body decides otherwise. The same food. The same medication. The same situation. Living with chronic illness can feel incredibly unpredictable.

That's one of the reasons I keep track of almost everything that goes into my body. I hope that one day I'll spot a pattern, something that explains why my body reacts the way it does.

After changing into the hospital gown and awkwardly trying to tie the strings at the back, I sat and waited. Gradually, I could feel myself getting hotter and hotter. Regulating my body temperature has become incredibly difficult, but this felt different. It wasn't just feeling warm. It was like my body had forgotten how to cool itself down.

I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My face was bright red, redder than I'd ever seen it before. I wasn't just hot. I was overheating, and I couldn't stop it.

The nurses were wonderful. They brought me cold face washers and ice packs to hold while I waited. They were kind, reassuring and incredibly understanding.

The plan was for me to wake briefly during part of the procedure, and one of the few things I remember saying was, "Can you take my socks off?" I was so unbearably hot that even my socks felt like too much.

Afterwards, they explained that my heart had suddenly started racing for no obvious reason during the procedure. They had to give me medication to help settle it.

It's strange knowing that even while I was asleep, my body was still doing its own thing.

Living with chronic illness can feel like that sometimes. You can prepare as much as possible, do everything "right," and your body still decides to write its own story.

Today, six days later, I'm sitting here with a spectacular black eye just as the surgeon warned I would. My eye feels swollen and sunken, and the entire right side of my forehead is covered by a large T-shaped incision. Even part of my hair had to be shaved.

But honestly?

Hair grows back.

Scars fade.

Skin cancer doesn't always wait.

If given the choice, I'll take a scar every single time.

For now, I'm trying to be kind to myself and to the body that's working so hard to heal. It hasn't always made life easy lately, and yes, there are moments I've felt overwhelmed and emotional.

But healing isn't just about stitches closing or bruises fading.

Sometimes healing is simply giving yourself permission to rest, to recover, and to trust that your body is doing the best it can, even when it doesn't always feel like it.

If you're living with chronic illness too, one thing that's helped me feel a little more in control is keeping track of my symptoms, medications, appointments and the little changes that are so easy to forget. It's one of the reasons I created My Health Companion – Calm Beneath the Storm. If you'd like to learn more, you can find it here. Choose Your Companion – Mind Ripple

Until next time, be kind to yourself. 💙