Dear Chronic Illness, We Need to Talk
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Dear Chronic Illness,
We’ve been together long enough now that I think we need to discuss some boundaries.
Firstly, you don’t need to come everywhere with me.
Seriously.
You weren’t invited to the supermarket. You weren’t invited to dinner. You weren’t invited to appointments.
Actually, come to think of it, I haven’t been on a proper holiday in a really long time.
So maybe we need to discuss that too. 😂
You’re also incredibly needy.
Apparently, you require constant consideration before I do pretty much anything.
How much energy will this take? How long will I be out? Will there be somewhere to sit? What’s the temperature going to be? How much will I pay for this tomorrow?
I thought raising children was tough.
Chronic illness is a whole new level. 😂
At least children eventually learn to feed themselves.
You? Not so much.
And can we talk about your timing?
Because it’s terrible.
You have an incredible ability to behave yourself just long enough for me to think, Ooh, I’m actually feeling pretty good today.
And apparently that’s your cue.
SURPRISE!
Here’s some pain you didn’t order. Maybe we’ll squeeze the joints today. How about a sore, blurry eye? A little brain fog? Some exhaustion? Perhaps something completely random that makes me stop and think, Is this you too?!
You’re like the world’s worst lucky dip.
Which is particularly disappointing because I used to LOVE a lucky dip.
There was something so exciting about sticking your hand in and wondering what you were going to get. Almost as exciting as going to the video store and choosing movies for the weekend.
Those were good surprises.
You are not. 😂
And you’re inconsistent.
One day I can do something without too much trouble.
The next day?
Absolutely not.
Same person. Same activity. Completely different result.
And I wish I could say that after living with you for a while I’ve completely accepted that.
I haven’t.
It still frustrates me.
I still get angry with myself when my body can’t do something I think it should be able to do.
I still occasionally convince myself that maybe if I push a little harder, organise myself better or just get on with it, I’ll somehow outsmart you.
Spoiler alert: this strategy has not been particularly successful. 😂
But I suppose, if I’m being fair — and I really don’t feel like being fair to you — you have taught me a few things.
You’ve taught me that my body often whispers before it screams.
I’m still not particularly good at listening to the whisper.
Exhibit A: The Great Cook-Up. 😂
But I’m learning.
You’ve taught me that changing the plan isn’t failing. That some days will look completely different from others. That rest doesn’t need to be earned. And that having a hard day doesn’t mean I’ve gone backwards.
I’m still working on all of those, by the way.
So don’t get too smug.
And if you packed your bags tomorrow and disappeared forever?
I wouldn’t chase you down the driveway.
I’d secretly fist pump the air and cheer quietly so you couldn’t hear me and decide to come back. 😂
But until that miraculous day arrives, I suppose we’re stuck with each other.
I’m learning how to build a life with you in it without making you the centre of everything.
Some days I’m better at it than others.
Some days I’m frustrated. Some days I laugh. Some days I absolutely do not find you funny.
But I’m still here.
Still learning. Still finding things to look forward to.
Still me.
So, Chronic Illness, I think that’s where we stand.
You can stay if you absolutely must.
But seriously…
work on your boundaries.
Love (and I use that word VERY loosely),
Me 💙
A little something that helps me
Living with chronic illness means there’s a lot to keep track of — symptoms, appointments, medications, triggers, questions and those little changes that are so easy to forget.
It’s one of the reasons I created My Health Companion – : a place to keep those pieces together and make managing life with chronic illness feel a little less overwhelming.
https://mindripple.co/collections/choose-your-companion